My Baby Makes Me Sick

Queasy, exhausted, headaches....this baby has got me sick to my stomach.

Since P has started day care, she has been so busy exploring her new world that she is simply exhausted at the end of each day. The bright side? She sleeps through the night a glorious 10-11 hours! The down side? I am up all night staring at the video monitor and trying to hear her breathe. I am terrified. What if she stops breathing? What if she rolls over? What if she chokes? What if five hundred other unrealistic things happen to her and I miss it all because I'm sleeping? How would I live with myself?

I never had a problem sleeping before this. I would wind down my day with some TV or Facebook games, go lay down in bed and within a few minutes would drift off and wouldn't wake up until morning. But now....the glow of the monitor and the sighs coming from P keep me up.All.Damn.Night. Don't get me wrong, I love that she's sleeping and I love watching her sleep but holy crap I can't take it anymore! The one night in the last three weeks that I took NyQuil just to sleep was the one night that P decided she wasn't going to sleep through the night and after an hour of peaceful sleep I was up the rest of the night trying to fight off the NyQuil. Never. Again. So here I sit, sleep deprived, on the verge of throwing up and a headache that I've had for the last three days that won't go away. If I didn't know better, I would think I was pregnant again. Ha, wouldn't that be the worst thing? It would be pretty close.

I can't say there are too many people in this world that are worth getting physically ill over worrying about their well being and their sleep schedules, but P is. I can't say there are many people I put before myself either. I love my sleep. I love my bed. I love my comforter. But for some reason I don't need any of those things as long as P is safe and happy. And well rested of course, otherwise prepare for terror! It was 3am when I decided to sit up and watch P sleep, and by decided I mean that I could not get to sleep and my mind kept thinking of all the things I needed to do the next day. I sat on the edge of our bed, staring at her. Listening. Watching. Waiting. I only watched her for maybe 15 minutes before crawling back into bed and attempt to sleep again, only to find out the next morning from Hubs that my sitting up and watching P was 'fucking annoying.' Well. Excuse me.

But as much as I enjoy P and spending time with her, even from another room and while she's unconscious, this mama needs her sleep. I need a moment away from her when I can get just a few hours of uninterrupted sleep, just enough to keep me going for another three weeks until I crash again. So until then, I'm going to be fucking annoying and I'm going to be on the verge of throwing up and I will complain my head hurts and that I'm tired and that I really don't care about what you did last weekend so please don't speak to me unless spoken to. Just deal with it. Sorrynotsorry.