What makes you a good parent?
Is there an online quiz you take somewhere? Who do you ask? Where is the checklist for me to run through to find out if I meet the criteria?
Is being a good parent measured in how many hours a day I spend with my baby? How many hours we spend as a family? How many kisses I give? How much my baby smiles and laughs? The fat rolls on her legs? The words I use to speak with her? The amount of time I spend reading to her a week?
I just don't know.
And I struggle with this. I don't know if I'm a good mom or not. P seems okay with it, so I should too, right? She laughs, she smiles, she giggles, she babbles, she has rolls upon rolls so I know she's healthy...but what makes me a good mom?
I take care of my baby. I hold her when she cries, feed her when she's hungry, lather her in sunscreen when she goes outside...but is that what really makes someone a good parent?
There must be a list of criteria out there one would need to meet in order to earn the title of Good Parent.
It bothers me I can't find this list.
I compare myself to others; it's human nature. I see what other moms do with their kids and wonder if I am doing that enough with my own. I hear how other parents talk to their children and wonder if my words are as kind, or if I hold P enough compared to other babies...how would I know? Who would tell me?
There are times at the end of the day when I sit down and think damn, I did good today. But then there are other days where I second guess everything I did. Did I hold her enough? Did we play enough? Did I talk to her enough? Oh my God...did I tell her I loved her?????
I hate those days. Those days make me question everything. Those days make me feel like a really shitty parent and there is no one to validate those feelings. It's just me. It's only me that can decide if I'm good enough, so on the days when I don't think I am, those are really hard days. And I hear from other people from time to time how great of a mom I am, but really, whose going to tell someone point blank they're a shitty parent? It's hard to know who to believe.