Monday, May 4, 2015

Let Me Clarify

Let's get something straight. Not every day is a good day. I have recovered from PPD and am trying my hardest to make up for the time I lost with my daughter, but do not confuse this with me thinking that every moment with her is sunshine and roses. Let me tell you how untrue that is....

When my daughter pukes down my bra, do you really think I'm smiling? When her poop gets on my thumb, I am not beaming with pride. And when she wakes up at 3 a.m. and refuses to go back to sleep until 5 a.m., just to wake back up again for the day at 6 a.m., leaving me completely exhausted, I am so miserable. I struggle. I still love her, but I definitely am not her biggest fan on those days.

There are times when P fights sleep and becomes overly tired and extremely difficult. She cries the whole 15 minutes home from day care and she likes to poop as soon as I get a clean diaper on her. She never spits up on herself, unless it's one of my favorite outfits I've been waiting forever to dress her in.

I do get tired. I get exhausted. Sometimes I want a break. Sometimes I wish she would nap for an hour on the weekends so I can lay on the couch and catch up on my shows. I want to watch a movie, not late at night after she goes to bed. I want to read my magazine and actually read the articles, not just swiftly flip through the pages and see if a picture catches my eye.

But those days are few and far between. The other days are great. And I always enjoy our time together. I enjoy the times she stares at me and giggles and the times she squeezes my finger. I love watching her face light up when I pick her up from day care and the excitement in her eyes when we go for walks after dinner. She's amazing. But we're still getting to know eachother. We're both learning who the other one is, likes and dislikes, love will take time. But in that time I will love her, I will enjoy watching her grow and experiencing new things with her, and in those rare moments where we aren't seeing eye to eye, I will be miserable and exhausted. I will get frustrated. But I will never take our time together for granted.

Just in case you were wondering.

No comments:

Post a Comment