Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

After 12 weeks away from my desk, 11 weeks home with a baby, I finally went back to work. This day was needed and I probably should have gone back much sooner had I been mentally able to. But the time has come and P has officially started day care. Unlike most moms, I didn't cry when I left my baby there for the first time and I didn't call to check on her throughout the day; I trust the people I am paying bagillions a month to are being responsible and kind to her.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder. Of course I thought about P throughout the day, but not to the point where I couldn't focus on my work. I printed out the most adorable picture of her for my desk so I can still stare at her beautiful little face all day, minus the crying and smelly butt. But by the time 5 p.m. came around I was itching to run out of that place, jump in the car and drive like a mad woman to get to my baby so I could kiss her and cuddle her and play with her. And I did just that. Of course she was mad at me when I arrived and cried the whole way home, but having that baby girl back in my arms was the most happy I had felt in months. Now, I have considered that by this point my medication has just kicked in to full force and I am finally me again, but I would like to think that I am finally accepting and adjusting to my new life and am genuinely happy again. My baby is my anti-depressant.

Her second day was better, and I missed her even more. I thought about her constantly at work, but I still didn't call to check up on her. I knew she was okay. Or she was crying. Either way, I didn't want to bother her. She was busy. I wondered if she was being held and if she liked the toys there. Were the other babies being nice to her? Was she being nice to them? Was she having fun? I wonder how her naps were going....but it was pure bliss the moment I saw her little face at the end of my day and was able to scoop her up and kiss it. I am finally understanding what all these 'other women' are talking about when they describe how in love they are with their babies. I may have taken the bumpiest road to get there, but I cannot believe how much this angel means to me. My heart is full when she's around. My life has meaning again. My days are eventful with thoughts of her and the experiences we are having together.

I can only imagine how wonderful day three is going to be....

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