Since the beginning I have struggled to accept my honest feelings towards motherhood. I struggled to find others that were like me because surely I could not be the only one that has ever felt this way before. I struggled to find peace in my new life. I struggled to forgive myself once I started treatment. And now I struggle to remember what that time in my life used to be like.
The memories of the beginning of my depression seem so far away now. Although I am beyond ecstatic that that dark chapter in my life has finally ended, it shaped the parent and wife I am today. My recovery plan has been a blessing in disguise. On one hand, I wish I would have never had to experience what depression was like, but on the other hand I have become a better person because of it. Each day I find a new thing that brings me joy; my daughters smile, my husbands thoughtfulness, conversations with my mother, a text from a friend....the list of simple things is neverending and blissful. I would like to think that I no longer take these moments for granted. I am finding happiness in each day and working on making myself a better person.
Last night I went out for happy hour with seven women I have never met before. I connected with them through a local moms group and put myself in the vulnerable position to meet them. The evening was overwhelming, but the time spent with women who were home all day with little ones just like me was refreshing. I love my friends and I know they will be there for me when I need them, but sometimes you just need the support from others that are having the same experiences as you at the same time.
My hope for you Reader, is that if you are experiencing post partum depression, or any depression, to seek help and utilize every resource you can. And for those of you that aren't, make yourself available to those in your life that might be, and even if you aren't sure, be there anyways. Don't take any moment or any person in your life for granted. Don't forget about the struggles you've overcome to be the amazing person you are today, and don't fear the unknown.
"Don't mistake God's patience for his absence. His timing is perfect and is constant. He's always with you." Deuteronomy 31:6